I recently read a very moving story written by blogger Amity Dry called: The unexpected journey to have another baby. You can read the whole article HERE.
Part of what Amity had to say got me thinking about the 12 week, or first trimester ‘rule’ when it comes to pregnancy. Most women keep quiet until the 12 week mark of their pregnancy as this is when you’re chances of miscarriage supposedly go down. That’s of course not to say it doesn’t happen after the 12 week mark.
In Amity’s article she talks of her longing for a second baby and the frustrations and emotional rollacoaster that come with infertility and miscarrage. This is the part of Amity’s article that got me thinking:
“Through all of this I was surprised by how quiet we are as a society on the subject, particularly miscarriage. It seems crazy, us women talk about pretty much anything else, but this topic remains shrouded in silence. I wonder if it’s because we keep our pregnancies secret for the first trimester, so when a miscarriage occurs within that time (which the vast majority do) we keep that a secret too. But, for me, keeping it a secret made me feel as though it was something I had to be ashamed of. A failure I had to hide. It felt as though I had to be stoic and ‘get on with things.’ So I did. I kept busy, I didn’t cry after the first day, I threw myself into my work, stayed strong and outwardly seemed like I was ok. But grief has to come out eventually, as I discovered when it came flooding out in a moment I didn’t expect.”
I can’t comment from experience as I’m yet to try for or have any children. I understand some women keeping quiet in the first 12 weeks for fear of miscarriage and not wanting to deal with the ‘we lost the baby’ conversation with family and friends, but does this contribute to Amity’s feelings above about feeling ashamed? God forbid something happened during your pregnancy would you rather people know and offer support, or would you rather ‘deal with it’ privately behind closed doors?
On a lighter note I also wonder how people actually manage to keep it quiet for 12 weeks, or 10 weeks or you know however long from when you find out your pregnant. These days there’s so many things you’re not meant to eat, drink, breathe in, look at, that it would be so difficult not to get caught out, you’d almost need a University Degree in ‘How to keep your bun in the oven quiet during the first trimester’.
So, as always what do you think? Is the ’12 week rule’ old fashioned, or sensible medically related practice? When did you or your wife/partner tell people you were pregnant? And if you have any funny stories to share on trying to keep bubs quiet for the first trimester, please share. As I said I’m always intrigued how people actually manage to pull it off!
And just for the record, no I’m not pregnant!