Yesterday was my baby girls first day at preschool.
Baby Ben stirred around 5.15am and I, bleary eyed, walked down the hall to pop his dummy in hoping for another hour sleep.
I hoped back into bed and was suddenly far too awake for that hour of the morning, but it hit me. Today was Sophie’s first day of preschool.
We’d put her name down, what felt like a lifetime ago. We’d talked about how fun preschool would be. We did the couple of orientations, and still the actual starting day just seemed like it wouldn’t roll around and I wouldn’t have to experience it.
Yet there I was at 5.30am wondering if I should get up and make her lunch just to make sure I was super organised.
I started thinking… What if they forget to change her nappy. What if she gets picked on. What if she just really really hates it. But those thoughts weren’t going to get me anywhere.
She’ll love it, I convinced myself.
So I lay there until 6.15 when I gave up and got up.
Soph woke up her usual happy self and we started talking about preschool. After she ate her breakfast she wrapped her arms around me and gave me the biggest bear hug, it took everything in me not to start crying.
We set off for the short walk to preschool, Sophie excited, me a bit nervous, and as soon as we arrived she headed straight for the paints. I found where to put all her stuff and took a deep breath.
John said goodbye to her and she happily yelled Bye Daddy! But when I said goodbye she looked at me and said no mummy sit down, mummy stay at preschool.
My heart sank. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, was all I could think. I sat down for a couple of minutes, John and Ben went and waited outside the gate. Then a lovely teacher came over with another little new boy and introduced him to Sophie. I took my opportunity to quickly say goodbye and with a reassuring smile from the teacher I quickly walked to the gate.
I barely made it out the gate before the tears started. Tears of sadness that my baby was growing up. Tears of hope, hope that she would love it.
I kept extremely busy, tidying and cleaning the house, yet still thinking of her every second. But when the phone rang at 1.50pm I just knew it was going to be the preschool.
She was ok, but very tired, and had got quite upset a few times during the day but thankfully settled quickly. They suggested I pick her up early.
Ben and I power walked straight over there and when she saw me she dropped the bottom lip and the tears started to flow, followed by ‘home mummy’.
My heart broke. I hated the thought of her being so upset during the day, wondering when I was coming back.
I managed to keep it together and she calmed down while I collected her things. She showed me some toys, said goodbye to all her teachers and said bye preschool see you soon.
This morning she said to me, I painting at preschool. Sophie crying.
I said you don’t need to cry at preschool, you can have fun, and mummy will always come and get you. She happily shouted out, daddy, mummy always get you!
I’m dreading next Monday as she now knows that I don’t stay at preschool, but hopefully each week can only get better.
Thinking of all the kids starting a new chapter in their lives, and their parents who not only have their own emotions to deal with, but their kid’s as well. xx