So after reading Kerri Sackville’s hilarious post’s on how Nicole Kidman stole her life, part 1 and now today part 2 (click HERE to read them) I decided that I too should share how a famous celebrity unashamedly stole my future life as a glamourous supermodel and ruined my potential of dating one of hollywoods hottest young actor’s.
Yes I am of course talking about none other than Miranda Kerr.
You see as a youngen I was an aspiring model. Actually let me rephrase that, I was an aspiring Supermodel. To the top of the modelling world I was going. I was going to have my hair and makeup done every day to look totally glamourous and I was going to strut my stuff up and down international catwalks like I was king shit, or queen shit, or whatever, you get my drift.
I was well on my way too when I was sponsored by the local Just Jeans and Fashion Fair for the local modelling comps in my good ol’ home town of Tamworth. Super tough competition in the country I’ll have you know. Then there was a new chick on the block. A petit gal from country Gunnedah who travelled to Tamworth to compete in the local comps. And that folks is when my world came crashing down!
And the runner up is….. Ami Holder. And the winner is…. Miranda Kerr. And so on it went that Miss Kerr won numerous times in fact. I remember ‘backstage’ at one comp, Miranda turned to me lifted up her arms and said ‘oh no I forgot to shave under my arms’. Don’t worry I said, no one will notice. Inside thinking, god I hope the judges see. Yes, I was a 13 year old bitch, but I desparately wanted to beat her. And of course I didn’t!
And then she won the Dolly covergirl competition. So while her world was thrown into modelling chaos heaven and she posed with the likes of Callan Mulvey for Dolly covers and no doubt ate lettuce leaves and carrot sticks, I went to school, came home watched the Bold and the Beautiful and ate chocolate biscuits!
I remember one of my mum’s friends who came along to one comp, said oh don’t worry she (Miranda) definitely won’t win, she’s way too skinny. What do they know – the rest is history!
However I wasn’t going to let Miranda’s success get in the way of my dreams, no-siree. It spurred me on and at the ripe old age of 16 I won the local Country Catwalk competition. How? Why? Almost certainly because Miranda was probably off on some island doing an exoctic swimwear shoot and was a little too busy to give me a run for my money in the local country modelling comp.
Then I turned 17 and decided to retire. Modelling was you know like seriously overrated and I decided to focus on my studies. Well, go to school anyway. And there was the small detail of not getting out there and finding a modelling contract or losing 4 kilos like one modelling judge suggested I do. (5ft 8″ and 55kg, and they wonder why teenage girls get weight issues. Anyway that’s another subject). So there you have it, the story of the modelling career that never was.
And to Orlando, I’m sorry you got stuck with Miranda instead of me, but I’m sure you’re doing just fine!