• Crisis of confidence…

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    So hubby and I were going out last Saturday night. Saturday morning, I decided I had nothing appropriate to wear. As in NOTHING. We rarely venture out at night, let alone in (nearly) Winter. I had an hour up my sleeve between having friends over & taking the middle child to a birthday party. I walked into Westfield full of hope and was ready to tackle some speed shopping. I literally went into EVERY farking shop in the damn centre. I ended up back at the old faithful Country Road & spent too much time looking at striped tees. Put the stripes down Ami & back away. I tried on a few things. Nothing was right, so I left & wondered if I had some ‘dressy boots’ I’d feel better. Ventured into DJs and was overwhelmed with boots and people, took a deep breath and left.

    Meanwhile I was doing what every gal does, I was madly messaging my BFFs. They were both so kindly throwing their wardrobes at me! I kept thinking I wish I had the time to go over & raid their wardrobes.

    With no outfit plan hanging over my head, I took Ben to his party and tried to forget about my clothing dilemma for 2.5 hours. After the cake had been cut, and party bags handed out, we raced home, I threw Benny out at the bottom of the driveway and headed to Myer. I was going to find some boots & throw an outfit together at home.

    Nothing grabbed me so I headed for the clothes. I grabbed a few dresses and went into change rooms. I tried them on. And then I cried. I sat in the Myer change rooms and cried. I cried because I was tired. I cried because nothing felt or looked right. I cried because over the past year I have put on 10kg. I cried because I actually feel really shitty about myself. I was out of energy and I was out of time.

    Thank goodness for BFFs!

    Thank goodness for BFFs!

    It then dawned on me that one of my BFFs houses was between my place & mums. Emergency message to mum to collect some clothes on her way over to look after the kids.

    I got out of the shower and held my breath. Dear god please let something fit me. And it did. I wanted to cry relieved happy tears, but I already make up on so I kept my shit together.

    We ventured out, I felt pretty good and was comfortable. Downed a quick couple of Moscato’s and was feeling much better.

    But it really dawned on me how important it is to feel good about yourself. My wardrobe has morphed 100% into a ‘mummy wardrobe’. And why shouldn’t it, I am after all a full time mum. But along the way I have completely lost myself. The weight has crept on, and it needs to bugger off. I’m an emotional eater… and the last 12-15 months have certainly been full of some overwhelming emotions.

    No one but myself can kick my butt into gear. I get the polite comments, oh but you look lovely, there’s no way you’ve put on 10kg. Well meaning and lovely. But it’s how I feel in myself. Most of, ok all, my clothes are tight. It’s disheartening and frustrating.

    I’ve started at least 4 times this year on a ‘weightloss journey’ (ugh hate that term!). And who knows if I’ll stick to it this time. Only time will tell.

  • For Frock’s Sake

    Something I say almost everyday...

    Everyone likes to look nice. Even when just heading out to do the groceries you always feel better if you’ve put in a bit of effort to look ok. The problem is these days that my ‘looking ok’ consists of trackies, a t-shirt and, wait for it, a pair of thongs. Yep I fit right in at good old Marketown (the shopping centre in town). It would be safe to say that I’m more than entrenched in ‘Mummy Mode’. Mummy Mode consists of getting up and making sure the baby has had her bottle, breakfast, a clean nappy and a cute outfit on, and I get a shower, wet hair in a pony tail and a tracksuit. Any time I used to have perusing my wardrobe for something to wear is now spent washing up bottles and sterilising them along with pureeing and pureeing and some more pureeing.

    I think that like most women, especially Mum’s there’s a gaping big hole in my wardrobe. No my crazy architect husband din’t design some weird wardrobe (although I wouldn’t put it past him), I feel that my range of clothes is lacking a middle ground. I have a gazillion, yes gazillion t-shirts, singlet tops, tracksuit pants, 3/4 cargo pants and more pairs of thongs than you can poke a stick at. I have gorgeous gorgeous cocktail dresses and about 20 maxi dresses. Now the maxi dresses used to be my go to outfit all the time, paired with a little cardi on the cooler days and I thought I was looking a oh k. But now. Well after 6 months of breastfeeding, the girls, puppies, twins, whatever you want to call them, how about boobs, just aren’t what they used to be. Short of walking around with my arms in the air to give them a nice lift, I can’t get away with not wearing a bra anymore. And unfortunately most of maxi’s aren’t bra friendly.

    So back to the gaping hole. I feel I lack some casual sophistication in my ensembles, as in, I don’t have any of it. Granted I have some lovely tops that look great with jeans, but they don’t fit me anymore, not across the boobs and definitely not across the tummy. I am so tempted to wear a pair of spanks on a day to day basis even though my husband thinks that’s taking it to a whole other level of ridiculousness.

    So on Saturday we went on a little shopping trip. My mum looked after Sophie (she loves any chance to get her all to herself) and about 2pm John and I hit the shops. I wanted a new pair of jeans, and a nice top to wear to my Nonna’s upcoming 80th birthday. The jeans were quite successful and I found a nice pair of Lee jeans that weren’t too low cut, I didn’t want to be that mum with her arse always hanging out, and they were a great colour. The girls in the shops were lovely. Delightful even. I didn’t feel uncomfortable and unfashionable like I usually do and of course I got the obligatory aaaaaawwwww’s when I told them I was a new mum and this was my first pair of non maternity jeans since Soph was born.

    Next came tops. I could have cried when a size L shirt didn’t fit me in General Pants Co. I wouldn’t consider myself a big person. Maybe a 12, possibly sometimes a 14 at the moment with the extra boob baggage, but nope, no luck with the Large. We went to several other shops before I hit a wall. Thankfully not literally, although the rate we were going a face smack would have been more fun than trying to find a damn top. The fitted one’s made me look like I was about 5 months pregnant and the more flowing one’s made me look like I was about 7 months pregnant and trying to cover it up. I then became too tired and too cranky to care. “I’ll just wear my pyjama’s” I said to John. By that time he had had enough too!

    You see the truth is as a new Mum I don’t know what to wear. Probably not much different to what I wore before I guess. I could go and replace my lovely tops with bigger sizes, but they’re only going to get puked on or have mashed broccoli thrown in their general direction. Plus I don’t think a silk Country Road top is all that appropriate for doing the groceries. I could wear plain tops and accessorise. But these days Sophie will put anything from the dog’s tail to the TV remote in her mouth, so the last thing I need to do is tease her with dangly necklace’s and earrings.

    At least winter is only just around the corner and jeans, boots, a jacket and different colour scarves should get me through. Soph will have fun munching on the scarves. And as for the tracksuits; they’ll always be my non-fashionable best friend.

    Where’s Trinny and Susannah when you need them…

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  • Feel them up Friday…

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    Recently on Twitter a conversation about Breast Cancer led @carolduncan and @SeraphimSP to start the initiative #Feelthemupfriday to get women to check their breasts. The Twitter initiative is today and is to raise awareness for Breast Cancer. If you’re on Twitter, turn your avatar pink, if you haven’t already to show your support.

    Without a doubt every woman has a cancer story. Whether it be her own, or that of a friend, and that is scary stuff. So in honour of #Feelthemupfriday, check your breasts, and encourage all your friends to do the same.

    You can add your story to @SeraphimSP’s blog HERE and read @carolduncan’s story HERE.

    You can also listen to Carol Duncan HERE talking about #Feelthemupfriday after 11am today.

    I also encourage you to read an extremely moving and heartful story by Jodi HERE about losing her Mum to Breast Cancer. Be warned, take the tissues.

    Happy Feel Them Up Friday everyone.