Ben’s look at love: The dating game

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Inspired by Mia Freedman inviting readers to do Guest Posts on her site, I thought it was a great idea and asked my #1 fan (which is currently up for debate) to be my guest here at Puff Pieces and write about the joys of dating!

In Ben’s words:

love_artAs one of Ami’s regular readers and also someone who has been known to give my opinion on a subject or two, she has asked me if I would like to write a piece on a subject that I know only to well, being single. What I would like to do is give you an idea of the differences I have experienced in being single at 21 and being single at 30.

At both of these stages of my life I had come out of serious relationships, and been thrown into the world of the single male. Now in the scheme of things, life in general, nine years does not seem like a lot. Especially when physically you are not that different, most people have finished their formal education, have started travelling, lived away from home. The only major difference, I guess is the financial situation, and for some I guess even that has not changed that much. However, the change in your ability to date or meet members of the opposite sex, at least for me, has completely changed.

When I was 21 I was able to walk into a club or bar and have no problems meeting somebody and communicating in a way that I would find somebody attractive or desirable and visa versa. And I don’t mean this in a sleazy way (although it had been known to happen).

holding_handsNow days, I might go out six times in a row without meeting anybody that I would like to see again. I am pretty sure, although feel welcome to correct me, that I am not uglier than I was when I was 21. I would like to think the opposite has happened. And there is definitely no shortage of attractive women out there. I even think that I am more interesting, although being an engineer I didn’t start at a high point. I think the reason is that the communication and interaction that I am looking for now, as compared to when I was 21, cannot be found in a night club or a bar. A certain depth to somebody perhaps?

Life experience also has a great deal to do with the, well let’s call it “pickiness”, that I now have towards choosing a partner. Attributes that I looked for and thought would be ideal in a partner when I was 21 are very different than now. Actually, they are probably not so much different as refined. This has happened through living with people, having failed relationships, having successful ones, being in love, being in lust and just living my life. This is one of the reasons I hold concerns for those people who get married straight out of high school, without experiencing life.

So after saying all of this, do I think that I am more likely to find the love of my life now than I was then? Probably not, but I know so much more about myself, so I would like to think that the person silly enough to get themselves into a relationship with me will at least get ME and no pretences.

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