And the idea about what is take to be a good husband! Love it! Stay tuned!

And I think we can all agree, that it’s all about the partnership, and shouldn’t matter who’s scrubbing the shower!

As a mid-twenty soon to be married, independent earner woman who actually loves cooking I was shocked by the column you posted. Could not believe there are women still writing like this in 2009!!

Just when us women think we are getting somewhere there are some very ‘dated’ opinions which still seem to persist.

There was another article in the paper on the weekend which I think is a much more balanced and relevant view.

Was called “Feminists can flirt – and other noughtie ideas”. Don’t have the link but it is an excerpt from a book called “The Noughtie Girl’s guide to Feminism”.

Ellie Levenson writes:

“When i asked my friends whether they were feminists, many reacted with horror. There was a sense that saying yes would mean no more short skirts or make-up and that they would have to vote in a particular way. But for ‘noughtie girls’ feminist demands are based less on political ideologies than on the experiences of our day to day lives… For me feminism is about having choices – from influencing who runs the country to choosing whether I wear high heels or flats….it’s about acknowledging we are different while shouting loudly that we are equal…Noughtie girls and their partners recognise that equality means splitting all the tasks life throws at them whether enjoyable or not…” and goes on to say “Traditionally, feminism and marriage are not seen as compatible….and it is not anti-feminist to feel that life is nicer when it’s shared with someone.” And so it goes.

Ami what do you think?!

Being a male (and a husband), I’m probably going to regret wading in, but I’ll give it a try anyway. If I’m allowed

First, allow me to say that my wife is exceptionally good. If anything, she is too concerned about my welfare, doesn’t get angry with me often enough (considering how much I sometimes deserve it) and is too quick to concede that she has been wrong (even if my words or actions have been more wrong). Given her natural tendency to put herself last, I have to be super-careful to put her first (and I’ll admit I’m not always good at it).

In one sense, you might say my wife is a 50′s wife (and I’m all kinds of lucky to be her husband ) … but I think that conclusion would miss the point. Our view of marriage is that it involves trusting the other person to care for your needs, while doing your level best to care for theirs. Of course it’s as imperfect as we are, but I’d say it builds a deeper level of interdependence and nurturing than many modern “partnerships” that are more about preserving individuality than about becoming a strong unit together.

As for the priority of kids, my wife and I both love our 4-month-old to bits, but the marriage relationship takes priority over parenting for us. Ultimately we believe that if our marriage is strong, our home will be a good place for our children to grow up. If our children come between us, our marriage will ultimately die, which won’t serve our children at all.

So with a bit more context and detail on the ideas, I’d suggest that with appropriate caveats (most of them to do with the husband’s reciprocation!), the dot points you’ve listed here aren’t all bad. I’ll leave the sex one for another day, however

But like you said it’s a partnership and just because I birthed the little suckers doesn’t mean they are all all my responsibility. We both work equal hours and therefore, both have to contribute equal amount of hours into feeding, bathing, ferrying around and general domestic duties.

Often it’s a case of who can stand the look of the scuzzy shower the longest, but hey, it all get’s done.

So, no I’m not a good wife by the guide above. Probably not by a more modern one either, but it you can both work what you’ve got, then that’s all that matters.