The Baby Struggle

It’s not until you reach an age where you start discussing the idea of becoming a Mum that you realise just how many women, women you know, that have struggled to have a baby. It’s a club that no woman wants to be a part of. I am beyond fortunate that I am not one of these women.

I remember when I got my period after the first month we had being trying to have a baby. I was so upset. I sat there and cried. And then I realised how stupid I was being. It was only the first month. There were women out there who were feeling what I was feeling times by 50,000 for the 12th unsuccessful month in a row. I felt guilty, and knew I had to calm down and be patient. I didn’t know at the time that next month I would be pregnant. I was lucky. But this story isn’t about me.

It’s about my friend Kristy.

Kristy got married, had already been off the pill for 3 months and was convinced she’d be pregnant for her wedding. That was 5 years ago. By Christmas 2006, she still wasn’t pregnant. In January 2007 Kristy started a new job, (her new boss was aware she and her husband were trying for a family) and by March 2007, she decided it was time to go and have a chat to her GP. Kristy had fallen pregnant when she was 20 and decided not to go through with the pregnancy, so she knew she could fall pregnant.

Sadly, Kristy’s GP was not the kind helpful person she should have been and told her “10 months of trying is NOT 12 months of trying, we don’t run any sorts of tests for you and your husband until you’ve been trying to conceive naturally for 12 months”.

Kristy recalls her anger, “You could only imagine how I reacted. I virtually told my GP to get f***ed!!”

Thankfully Kristy found a new, more helpful GP who was more than happy to run some tests. The tests began with Kristy having blood tests every month for a few months to see if she was actually ovulating. Turns out she was. Like clock work.

Panic set in. “All my bits and pieces were doing what they were supposed to do. What else could possibly be wrong? It’s NEVER the man’s fault!!” recalls Kristy.

So once the GP realised everything seemed “normal” with Kristy, she suggested that they be referred to a fertility specialist.

Kristy recalls her reaction to infertility: “We had NO idea of what was going on and were very unaware of the whole idea of infertility and what it entailed. Hmmm how quickly that changed! We scheduled an appointment with Dr Raymond, (a Newcastle OBGYN) who I had heard was very pleasant and professional. He ran some more tests on both of us. So I went in for a laparoscopy just to check everything was correct on the inside, and the results come back all normal.”

So the testing turned to Kristy’s husband Scott. “Scott had his sperm tested and it came back abnormal, slow swimmers and very low count. His coping mechanism was ignorance. In true male fashion he became super withdrawn and didn’t really deal with it at all. So I just took over the situation with my ‘I can do anything’ attitude and just got on with it and at no time was prepared to let this stop us having a family” says Kristy.

“I’ll never forget, when we were back at Dr Raymond’s rooms discussing the results, it was December 2007 by this stage. He said the only way you are going to conceive a child together is with assistance and more than likely that it would be IVF.”

Throughout the trying naturally, and all the testing she endured, Kristy never specifically thought ‘why me’, but like any woman trying to conceive was frustrated when she thought about ‘those families’ who had numerous children, with numerous different father’s, or witnessed a mother yelling and swearing at her child. Or as Kristy puts it, “the people that try to get pregnant for 5 minutes and end up with bloody twins!”

After their discussion with Dr Raymond, Kristy and Scott had no doubt in their minds that IVF was the way to go. So Kristy did what most women like us do, she researched. And researched. She wanted to know what they were getting themselves into, and once they’d gotten their head around all the information their decision was made.

And the cost? Of course everyone asks about the cost. At the time Kristy’s only thought was “F*** the cost. We want a baby let’s just get on with it.” Kristy wanted to get on with it so much so that she wanted the first IVF cycle to happen ASAP before Christmas 2007! Dr Raymond suggested otherwise and advised them to enjoy the Christmas/New Year holiday and start fresh in the new year.

I ask Kristy if during all this they ever considered adoption? Kristy doesn’t hesitate, “Never”.

And so their IVF journey began in January 2008. They went through 7 attempts with Dr Raymond and Hunter IVF and sadly, not once, not once did they fall pregnant.

I ask Kristy how she coped. “I had no idea, at first, what to expect with IVF, but my fear of needles, was very short lived!! After all the blood tests, then having to inject hormones into myself, needles and I are now the best of friends!! I NEVER thought I would be able to inject myself and do what I did, but my eye was always on the prize of eventually having a positive test and having a baby. After I got over my needle issues, I felt like I could pretty much conquer anything! But nothing can prepare you for IVF at all.

“Not once did it ever cross my mind, (ok maybe once!!) that I was never going to be a mum. I just drew so much strength from within and made people aware of where we were up to. I had the full support of my immediate family and close friends. I also told my boss and he was more than accommodating with whatever I needed. Emotionally I just saw it as something I wanted so bad, that I/we were NEVER prepared for it not to happen. After each attempt we always had something positive planned for either celebration or commiseration, like a really nice dinner or a weekend away, shopping trips, long drunken nights out if needed!”

After their 7 failed attempts, they decided to change to Sydney IVF and Dr Shumack. Their first 2 IVF attempts sadly resulted in miscarriage. “But at least we were finally moving forward and getting results” says Kristy.

“I remember our first appointment with Dr Shumack once we had our first cycle and positive result. It was our 6 week scan and he couldn’t get a heartbeat. He escorted us out of his office through a secret exit, so we didn’t have to go back through the full waiting room of pregnant women. Then said he would look after everything and keep me posted. Within 2 hours his receptionist had organised a curette and off to hospital we went. AMAZING how quickly things happen and SO professional and sympathetic.

“After our second cycle a similar thing happened again, no heartbeat and then another curette organised within 24 hours. All the staff at Sydney IVF were very compassionate and explained EVERY little step of what was going to be happening.”

Their third attempt could not have had a more wonderful result. Kristy and Scott were finally parents to be and made the magic 12 week mark in April 2010!

Naturally Kristy had worries throughout her pregnancy. “I was secretly extremely anxious the whole pregnancy, and until I held my baby in my arms, that’s when I would know that we finally had our long awaited baby!

“I had a flu vaccination at 14 weeks which was recommended by my Obstetrician, and I had a massive reaction. I had a rash and hives all over my whole body and no one knew what was happening or could explain what my body was doing. Then all my joints just ceased up, I was flat on my back for 6 weeks. I could not move at all, just stuck in the one position. I had appointments with skin specialists, arthritis specialists; I was on first name basis with every specialist known to mankind, and still no answers. Scott thought I had some sort of cancer and would never recover. Every time I saw a new doctor, I was like I don’t care what happens to me but NOTHING I repeat NOTHING must happen to my baby. Once I finally recovered I had a dream pregnancy, no issues, and worked up until 10 days before my due date.”

Kristy, Scott and beautiful baby Stella

And so on Saturday 16th October 2010, right on time on her due date, beautiful little Stella Rose was born. After a very long labour with little progress happening in the dilation department, Kristy on the recommendation of her Doctor had a caesarean.

“Finally I had my baby, a priceless moment, words can’t describe the feeling.”

After their 5 year journey, little baby Stella finally made them a family of three. So will another baby make 4?

“We are in the process of discussing wether we would do IVF again. We have 4 frozen eggs, which means the egg has been implanted with sperm and has grown for 3 days then snap frozen, so our eggs are that of the age when they were taken out of me, which was 34.

“At approximately $4,500 per egg transfer and NO guarantee of a sibling for Stella, and also the rebate has changed dramatically, so we are now out of pocket around $3,600 every transfer. If we had to do a whole new cycle to produce eggs it’s approximately $9,000 with out of pocket expenses about $7,500.

“Not that we have ever put a price on it, but at the end of the day all of this money could go to bettering Stella’s life. In the next breath it would be sad for Stella not to have a sibling. Stranger things have happened; we may even end up conceiving naturally. Currently we are not using any contraception, so just running with wherever the journey takes us at this point in time. But another IVF cycle is certainly not out of the question.”

And how did Kristy’s marriage fair through this journey? “It certainly made us appreciate each other a lot more and realise the sacrifices we were prepared to make to have a baby and made our relationship much stronger. It’s pretty much the hardest thing we’ve had to deal with, well at least this far anyway. Certainly I think it changed us for the better.”

Thank you Kristy for your openness and honesty, and for allowing me to interrogate you and tell your and Scott’s story. It takes a brave couple to commit to the up and down journey that IVF is. I guess those mummy instincts kick in long before your baby is born. And such a wonderful happy ending, beautiful baby Stella.

The scared shitlessness that is motherhood…

Being a parent causes you all sorts of angst. From the minute your new little baby is born the worrying begins. Are they too hot, too cold, still hungry, got wind, crying just because they can? The list goes on, and only grows and changes as they grow and change.

Sometimes I think about the society we live in and what the future will be like for our daughter. I listen to hubby’s stories of the days gone by when he and his 3 brother’s would meet up with other local kids, make go carts and spend hours terrorising the back streets of Wahroonga, racing each other down the hills. All good old fashioned innocent fun. And I wonder what happened to those days.

A few nights ago as we sat on the lounge watching tele as we do every night, the local news headlines came on. A service station not 5 minutes from our house was held up. It made my heart beat just a bit faster. Then tonight once again the local news headlines came on. I wasn’t really listening, playing on the iPad instead when I heard hubby say, ‘What? That was in Newcastle’. ‘What was in Newcastle’ I enquired. He started relaying the news headline that a young girl had been assualted in a local takeaway shop only a few minutes from our house. A place we have frequented many times, in a street full of restaurants, always buzzing with people eating out.

I felt sick. I never wanted to be one of those overly cautious parents, hoping I’d be the aware, but laid back Mum who took safety seriously but didn’t go into a panic the minute we left the house.

Turns out deep in my gut the older Sophie gets the more scared shitless I become. While these types of disgusting human beings are thankfully a minority in our society they are still out there. It is these assholes that pray on innocent children that I fear will turn me into a paranoid wreck.

Not long after Sophie was born there was a report of a man who followed a young girl into the toilets at the local shopping centre where I do our groceries and assaulted her. The girl was I think from memory about 7 years of age. I looked down at my new baby and thought to myself, I’m never letting you go ANYWHERE by yourself.

A few weeks ago I was doing some shopping in the Newcastle Mall. I quickly ducked into a clothes shop as I had spotted a dress I wanted to try on, and Sophie was happy enough chilling out in her pram for the time being. I walked to the change rooms and her pram wouldn’t fit in there with me. Fat chance I was leaving her outside the change rooms on her own, even though she was parked right outside the one I was in. Instead I just tried on the dress over my jeans and quickly whipped my top off with the door still open. No way was I taking my eyes off her for one single minute.

Maybe I was being paranoid? Or maybe my behaviour was completely understandable and realistic in this day and age?

Shock exchange

Don’t worry the title of this post doesn’t indicate a play on words in relation to me rambling on about the Stock Exchange. No siree, something much more exciting than that. Shopping! Or more specifically, exchanging! And clearly for us, everything comes in three’s.

www.brasnthings.com.au

A few weeks ago I finally went to get re-fitted for some new bra’s. After finishing breastfeeding about 4 months ago I figured it was about time to get out of my maternity bras! I went to Bras N Things, got a lovely lady, bought 2 new bras and went off on my merry way. The next day I wore one of new bras out to a dinner we were attending. By the end of the night underneath the bra on the side of my body, my skin was red and I had welts. Clearly the bra was WAY too tight. So I popped it back in the drawer figured it was a waste of money, but would take the other one back.

When I took the 2nd unworn bra back, Katrina (the original girl I had) told me I could bring the other bra back. WHAT?! I said to her, but I’ve worn it! She said that’s fine, their policy was that they wanted their customers to be happy with their purchases and clearly I had the wrong size.

So a few days later when I was Sophie free, I took back the worn bra, no questions, no fuss and exchanged it for a better fitting one. Now that’s good customer service!

And it seems but good customer service experience was about to continue…

www.sheridan.com.au

The other weekend I took the sheets off our bed to wash them. Nothing unusual there. But as I was shaking them out in the laundry trying to find the pillow cases that had gotten caught up in the sheets I was a little shocked to see a great big gaping hole in the fitted sheet.

Now these were no ordinary sheets. They were super dooper expensive luxury Sheridan sheets, and we had ‘treated’ ourselves to them with our wedding money that we received. As the sheets were quite warm we would only use them in Winter. So they had been used last Winter and now this Winter.

I showed hubby and he was as disappointed as I was, that only after 2 seasons of use the sheets had worn through, what appeared to be down near my feet. I just figured we’d have to go and buy another set as I was pretty sure we’d paid cash and the David Jones store in town, which has since closed down and I knew that I didn’t have the receipt.

A few days later I decided to give Sheridan a call and just have a chat to them about the sheets. I called with no expectations, was polite and honest that I had no proof of purchase. I got this very lovely lady named Jane, and after a few questions and checking of the tag thingy on the sheets we established which type of sheets they were.

Jane informed me that they had indeed been having some problems with that particular weave as it was so soft. After a bit of a chat about a new range they had bought out to replace the old range, I asked her where do we go from here. I was honestly expecting her to say that without any proof of purchase I’d probably need to go to a David Jones store. But to my pleasant surprise Jane promptly asked for my full name and address and brand new set of sheets worth $320 in the same colour were in the mail and on their way.

I cannot thank Jane and Sheridan enough for such a lovely customer service experience. More companies could definitely take a leaf out of Sheridan’s book and learn a thing or two about standing by their product and certainly maintaining an excellent reputation.

I think if you go in with an open mind not expecting anything with a pleasant attitude you’ll get a lot further. It may not always be resolved in your favour, but at the end of the day it can’t hurt to ask. And that’s exactly what happened to my hubby as well.

www.arb.com.au

A few weeks ago he was parked on a hill and as he was walking back to his car (Toyota Hilux) he noticed a considerable amount of rust underneath his car on the bullbar. Having never had the car ‘off road’ or on a beach he was a little disappointed that the additions to the car that he had paid for about 5 years ago had failed.

He was out and about a few days later on his way back from a meeting and decided to stop in at the place where he had the bullbar fitted a few years back. John went there expecting to order all new parts and just pay what he had to pay. The man at ARB was just as shocked as John, and even more so when he learnt that the car had never been on a beach. He promptly took numerous photos of the rust and told John he would be in touch within a couple of days.

True to his word the man rang John a few days later. He had contacted the manufacturer who had agreed that the product had indeed failed and they would be replacing everything free of charge. Approximately $5,000 worth. Once again great customer service, and standing by your product from ARB.

We spend so much time focusing on the negative, and whinging about bad experiences of customer service or faulty products. So when something wonderful happens we should applaud those companies, and show our appreciation by spreading the news.

Have you had a similar experience with a great company?